I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
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