I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
