ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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