Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
