I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
