What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
