If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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