I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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