You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
