I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
