I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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