if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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