yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
