I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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