Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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