I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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