Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
