It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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