Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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