I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
