Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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