Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
