I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This is classic penis vs brain.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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