you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
