i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
