I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
