sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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