I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
The Olympian is in my bed
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
