I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
