if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
