first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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