i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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