at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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