i jhust puked up my retainher.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
