How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The air was thick with penises
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
