I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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