I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
