Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
