you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
