Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
