I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently you make a good broom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I am naked and annoyed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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