I want to have your abortion
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
