It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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