we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
