what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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