My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
