he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
