Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
