Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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