It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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